Becoming Your Biggest Advocate

Can I tell you a secret? I have a really bad habit of counting myself out before I have even tried. It’s something that I have struggled with for a while, for my own personal reasons, but I know it is the reality for a lot of other young women too. You know what I am talking about. We tell ourselves we can’t try something new because we are too old or not skilled enough. We shy away from some of our biggest dreams because we think we aren’t as good as the person standing next to us. We get quiet and spend way too much time in our heads convincing ourselves of hurtful lies that do nothing but rip our souls and self-esteem to shreds.

We’ve all had moments like these. We’ve all been in spaces where these negative thoughts were reinforced by people in power and sometimes systems created to ensure that we fail. Though we can acknowledge that the thoughts exist, we have to be willing to be in the practice of silencing them by choosing to be our own biggest advocate.

What does it mean to be an advocate? I like the following definition.

“one who supports or promotes the interests of a cause or group or person”

Merriam-Webster

Maybe if we remove ourselves from the equation for the sake of understanding the concept of advocacy, we can get a clearer image on what it means to be an advocate for ourself.

First, think about something you are really passion about. Dogs? Social justice? Healthcare reform? Equity for women in the workplace? Whatever it is that makes the blood flow through your body a little faster than usual, focus in on that topic and think about how you would convince someone to believe what it is you are advocating for.

What does it take to be an advocate for a cause? Let’s break it down. When I think about a really good advocate for a group or organization, I think of the following five qualities:

1. Confident in their beliefs
2. Goals and expectations are clear
3. Set upon a foundation of truth
4. Experienced and trustworthy
5. Brave

Now, let’s take it back to the purpose of this post. These same five qualities I find essential in being an advocate for a cause are the same five qualities you need to focus on when it comes to learning how to be an advocate for yourself.

You must be confident in your beliefs about yourself.

You can’t expect other people to be confident in your work and what you have to offer if you are not. However, confidence is something that doesn’t come overnight. It takes months and sometimes years of practice. Start small by learning how to keep promises to yourself. By doing this, you will gradually start building your own self-confidence by proving to yourself that when you say you are going to do something, you will. When the time comes for you to convince another person of your skill, you will have already proven to yourself so many times before that you are reliable and hardworking. Your confidence will exude from your pores when you walk into a room like the sun’s rays on a sunny day in August. Remember, it doesn’t happen overnight so remember to give yourself grace and know that this is a journey.

Your goals and expectations for yourself must be clear.

Although its hard to do the whole self-reflecting thing, learning about yourself is one of the most important ways to become a better advocate for yourself. You have to figure out who you truly are. I mean, take off the GPA, take off the standardized test score, take off the CV/resume, take off all of your accomplishments, wins, and losses and ask yourself, “Who am I?” Then, ask, “Who am I becoming?” By understanding the foundation of who you are when all the accolades are removed, your goals and expectations for your future self become a lot easier to figure out. The best part about going through that undressing of wins and losses is that your goals and expectations become something real and meaningful and not something that represents what the world, your parents, your friends, your advisor, or what anyone else thinks. Journal these questions to help figure out your authentic goals and expectations for yourself.

Journal Questions:

1. What matters to me?
2. If nobody could tell me no, what would I choose to do with my life?
3. Who is my biggest role model and why?
4. What intimidates me and causes me to hold back?
5. What can I do now to aid in the person I want to become?

You must have some sort of foundation of truth.

Ooooh. This is a good one. It’s very easy for me to be moved by inspiring speakers and encouraging stories. But you want to know what is really hard? When those little flurries of inspiration are gone, and it’s just me by myself taking the heavy hits of the world that tell me I am not good enough. Yeah, that is when it gets hard.

When I am studying and I am having difficulty understanding a particular patient’s case (science/premed kid here), I always go back to my foundation…my textbook. So, when I start to feel discouraged about myself, guess where I go. Same place peeps. The textbook of life…my bible.

When I feel like I am not meant to do this…I read Philippians 1:6.

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

When I start to feel helpless, discouraged, and just down right lost…I read Joshua 1:9

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

When I feel like my past is weighing me down to much and I can’t be who I want to be because of who I used to be…I read Philippians 3:13-14

No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

When I feel like I am not qualified to do it…I read 1 Corinthians 1:28

Instead, God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful. God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important.

The Word is your armor in your war against your mind. When in doubt, go back to the Word. Seek that foundation in which all of your dreams and goals are built on. Because if you can remember the promises God has for you and remember the way he talks and thinks of you, girl….you will be unstoppable.

You must be experienced and trustworthy.

Okay, this one might be confusing. I am not saying you need to already know everything you are supposed to be doing in life, but you have to try, practice, and get good at your craft. Whether it is being a good sister, becoming a doctor, starting out as an entrepreneur, etc., you have to be willing to build up confidence in yourself through the practice. You need and to know and learn to trust that 1) you will mess up 2) you will get up 3) you will keep ongoing. Being an advocate for yourself means that you can trust your practice.

You must be brave.

Lastly, you have to be brave to advocate for yourself. You have to be willing to reach out to people even if they knock you down or ignore your existence. And when they do and you start to discouraged, what are you going to do? Go back to your foundation to fix your armor before going out to battle again. I know, it’s scary. But start that business. Send that email. Apply for that fellowship. Reach out to that person for help. Call that old friend of yours. DM that mother who you admire. Join that small group at church. Text that coworker some words of encouragement. God has equipped you with everything you need to take that next step, sis. And yes, it’s scary because you’re probably thinking, “Oh my gosh, what if I mess up?” or “Oh my gosh, they’re going to laugh at me for even thinking I could do this.” Or worse, “What if I fail?” I know. I think the same way sometimes. But we’re in this together. Heck, I am trying to get seats at some tables where I KNOWWWWW I am not supposed to be sitting at. But I keep quiet and consistent in my prayer because I know that is where God needs me to be. I am in the same boat as you, girl. I’m over here sending emails with my eyes closed and even getting on zoom calls with people way above my pay grade as my heart bursts out of my chest with each heartbeat. But if God has called you to it, He will get you through it and you need to rest in God’s confidence of you as you go on this journey and advocate for yourself as God would.

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That is it for today’s blog post. I know it is long, but it is something that I am putting into practice in my life, and to be honest, it’s been opening doors for me…yes, even the ones I shouldn’t even be near. To all of you who feel like their goals and aspirations are impossible, they’re not. You just have to be willing to learn how to be your biggest advocate and make them happen. Know you are blessed, brilliant, and beautiful. We’re in this together. Now, let’s go draft up that email, say a prayer, press send, and keep doing God’s work out hereeeee!

Love, TD <3