Let’s Talk About Second Grader Confidence

Hey girl, let’s talk confidence.

For the past couple of months, I have had a lot of experience with talking to young women and girls about their potential dreams and aspirations. From second graders to medical/dental students, I have heard young girls and women deliberately lay out their plan (the graduate students more eloquently than the second graders of course) and tell me what they want to do with their lives. However, I noticed that usually, the ones that seemed most confident in their decisions to be future surgeons, astronauts, or presidents were the second-grade girls. Sure, it took a while for them to raise their hands, but once they found the confidence to do so, and also realized I was a “safe” adult they could express their wildest dreams to, they were set. Even when questions like “Wow, that is a lot of years of school” or “Oh my goodness, I do not even think that job exists yet,” they remained steady as a rock, convinced that their heart’s desires were more important than any type of obstacle that I thought could deter them.

Can I be honest with you? I would kill to have that second grader confidence again. You know, the fearless kind. The kind that isn’t interrupted by a plethora of doubt and negative thoughts that scream, “Who do you think you are?” and “Girls like you can’t do things like that.” So who teaches us this ‘put you in your place behavior? Is there even any purpose in blaming anyone or anything?

As we get older, we like to label things. The adults label this grown-up feeling of inadequacy as the imposter syndrome. It’s the idea that when you are put in a position or space of excellence or expertise, instead of thinking of all the reasons you belong there, that screaming voice from before makes it way into your ear again, making sure you hear every which reason why you should not be there. And trust me, that little voice can get to you.

It reminds you of your low stats, your family curses, and sometimes even the poor decisions you’ve possibly made early in your life. It makes you doubt yourself, your skills, or even the purpose or mission you feel as though God has placed in your heart. Sometimes, you even lose the ability to see God within you when you look in the mirror.

But listen, girl. That inner second-grader has not gone anywhere, and her confidence within you is STILL there. When I competed for the title of Miss Pennsylvania, my coach used to tell me, “If you are not ready for this job, you best not walk onto that stage because your mind and heart will be in the hands of a lot of people relying on you to selflessly, humbly, and sometimes, uncomfortably, serve the people of this state. If you can not see yourself as the next Miss Pennsylvania, do not bother wasting yours and anyone else’s time and money on trying to convince anybody that you are. You have got to go into this knowing you are capable.” Even in my journey towards becoming a doctor, this stands very true and I want to share this with you, because it is applicable to you too.

You have to believe that you can do whatever it is you want to do in life before anybody else will believe in you. You have to know in your heart that you can and will do the work. You have to know that even when you feel surrounded, God is right there with you, lighting your path amidst the darkness. Nobody is going to sit here and rub your back anymore and try to convince you that you will be a success. That person HAS to be you. Even if you can’t find faith in yourself, rest in knowing that where your faith lacks in yourself, your faith in God will meet you right where you left off. You are not alone, for He is always with you. So find that inner second-grader. Do not give up on her. She is counting on you to stay disciplined, persevere, and make it happen.

Because if you don’t believe in her, nobody will. Stop trying to convince Instagram and start making sure that your inner soul is fluent in the idea that you are blessed, brilliant, and beautiful. You’ve got this, sis. Take the leap.

I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Philippians 4:13

5 Steps to Working on Confidence:

1. Be honest with yourself and ask why you are having feelings. Write them down, pray about it, and make a plan to actively work on those insecurities.
2. Stop comparing yourself to others. Once you are secure in yourself and God’s plan for you, you will find less of a need to compare yourself to your peer in school, best friend, or sister. Focus on becoming the best YOU that you can be instead of wasting your spirit’s energy in trying to be someone that you are not.
3. Set Goals. Sure, it is great to make vision boards and talk about all the things you want to do in the next year, but if you are not making plans on putting those things into action, do not be disappointed when they do not happen. Start with small daily or weekly goals. They allow you to stay on track so reaching your big dreams and goals do not seem so unattainable.
4. Expect to be uncomfortable. I wrote a post on this before, but you can not expect to grow without getting a little uncomfortable. Sometimes that means moving to a bigger pot while other times it is failing at something.
5. Just go for it! Envision yourself as future you. Want to be a doctor? See that white coat. Want to be a business owner? See yourself at your store opening. Pray for it, see it, plan it, do it.