I haven’t written in weeks. Well, that’s not exactly true. I have actually been writing a lot. From freelancing to creating my my own little writing project (stay tuned), writing for public health publications and trying to figure out my “blogging” schedule for you all, the fingers have been typing away at top speed. I definitely have been doing more compared to this time last year, but I have been feeling a little overwhelmed with the whole pandemic and all.
Can we talk about balance for a second? At the beginning of quarantine, I was completely out of wack. I didn’t know what or when or how I should be spending my time. Plus, I am a graduate student so I was in my apartment afraid of the outside in a city that I was still (am still) trying to figure out. Should I study for the MCAT? Maybe study for classes? Ooo what about buy another plant? What am I supposed to be doing?
As summer progressed, I started to get the hang of it and now, I feel like I’m at the level of a video game where all my precious training comes to this exact moment or I lose and I have to start all over. (Actually, I don’t play video games but you know what I mean.) I’m proud of myself for setting goals and getting them done, but sometimes I have to ask myself, “Are you doing this because you really want to or because it keeps you busy?”
I guess for some, there isn’t really a problem with the latter and to be honest, I used to think that too. If I was staying busy, I had nothing to complain about. Right? Wrong. During this time in quarantine, I realized that busy doesn’t always mean good. Why? Because when I put my value into “doing,” I lose my passion, gain a whole heck of a lot of anxiety, and the. product suffers because of it.
I had to learn that my identity is not in my work.
It’s a hard pill to swallow at times, but to be honest, my identity literally can’t be in my work. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life only being proud of myself when I check off all the things on my to-do lists because the reality is that there are a lot of days where I don’t and won’t. I was listening to this podcast by Healthy Balanced Black Girl when I was really struggling early in the beginning quarantine and I remember her saying how each day you should strive to hit your basics needs as a human—food, sleep, rest, water, movement—and if you did that, you have done enough. Somedays, doing those things is not only enough, but all I can do.
Quarantine has taught me that the gift of time is not having more of it, but rather, knowing how to effectively use it. Listen, I am a hard worker and I know that when I want to accomplish something, I’ll do whatever it takes to get it done. If you’re anything like me, you have to stop only being proud or feeling good about yourself my when you “get it done.” You have to learn to that there is value in you when you get that grade, but also when you learn that new recipe.
We need to redefine what productivity looks like in our lives. We need to re-evaluate how much power it has over our sanity and peace. I’m not saying don’t your work, but I am saying that your worth doesn’t come from how much you do. Work hard, but do it strategically–with intentional purpose. Remember, you are blessed, brilliant, and beautiful not because of what you do, but whose you are–a daughter of the most high.
Scripture to Put it In Perspective:
Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, (Colossians 3:23)
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11)
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)
The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still. (Exodus 14:14)
